# 7 Getting Desperate
Do I trust my research and instincts about my hip pain being caused by a labral tear or do I not? Do I focus on rebuilding my business now, after so much time away with my family and my own grieving process, or do I wait until I know what's happening with my hip? I am a little worn out. I decide to go easy for awhile and recuperate. Then, in late December, my friend Cheryl dies after a long journey with cancer. I decide I am probably the right person at the right time to coordinate a Berkshire memorial event to honor her. It's a complex event to coordinate, given Cheryl's many interests and communities, and limited resources. It becomes an all-consuming project for January and early February, and caring for my hip is difficult. More computer work=more sitting=more pain. I contact Dr. Murphy's office. To my surprise, I am right away scheduled for follow-up tests in early February, and surgery tentatively scheduled for a week or so later. I ask to delay it until after Cheryl's memorial event has happened. So pouf! I have that surgery scheduled! It's what I said I wanted, right?
I get the tests done in Boston, thinking I will be seeing Dr. Murphy as well. But no, just the tests, ma'am. Apparently the tests are sufficient to warrant the surgery, and New Hampshire will be where it happens. I don't want to risk postponing the surgery again, so even though I'd like some reassurance by having a conversation with Dr. Murphy about what the tests said, I decide to trust him and the facility and just go with it. The timing would be perfect, a typically slow time for my Pilates practice, with many clients travelling to get away from mud season. Also, ideally I would be well enough to do an active vacation in June with my husband and children to celebrate my son's graduation from graduate school. OK, fistfuls of papers and pre- and post-op protocols in hand, I make my mind up to DO THIS THING!